“Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care for people will hear them and be influenced by them for good or ill.”

-Buddha

A friend recently pointed out something to which I had never really given much thought: the word hate.

She said it is perhaps the worst word one could use, even in jest, and that she never said she hated anything.

Wow. So of course, I had to ask, is there nothing or no one you hate? No one who has done anything personally malicious to you or to someone you love? Do you never say it about a celebrity or a revolting food or truly awful song?

It seems she avoids the word completely. She says hate, in its truest form, is evil, can do much harm, but no good.

“Because really, what could be worse? What could you do to someone that is worse than hating them?”

Another wow.

I thought about this (a thought in my brain has plenty of room to bounce about) and decided to try to avoid the word. Because really, do you actually hate the pizza guy who smashes your food? I don’t really hate Kate Gosselin or even Rush Limbaugh. I don’t hate cilantro or plaid. I avoid those things and people when possible, but hate? That’s a bit strong.

What has surprised me about this “hate boycott” is how often I have had to make a conscious effort to avoid the term.

I never realized how much I claim to hate. Sometimes not so serious (I hate it when the drive-thru gets my order wrong) sometimes quite serious (I hate Mitch McConnell). These declarations of hate came with very little thought, so naturally, so easily and with such frequency that my friend had to point some of them out to me. When I said I hated some trivial thing, I can’t even recall what is was, she simply said “old habits are hard to break.” And she was right. Saying you hate someone can be, as horrible as it sounds, simply a habit.

A habit that seems to have seeped into the vernacular of my entire life, I’m afraid.

My 15 year old recently said he hated someone who he perceived had done him wrong. “I hate them,” he declared, without a trace of thought or remorse, I have to admit. No irony at all that he was claiming to hate a fellow human. When I explained my anti-hate language campaign, he replied he didn’t really care, that he did in fact hate, and had no compunction about saying so.

Have I been this mean? What kind of mother raises a child who has no problem stating unequivocally that he hates people? Have I tossed about the word that casually? I cringe when I think about it.

The power of words is immeasurable. So is the power of hate. Why not use the power of our day-to-day language to reinforce positive thoughts and feelings? Do we bandy about a word as severe as hate without thinking about the possible bad voodoo we may be creating? The act of hating can only be some seriously bad karma, so how can the word not bring negative energy when we use it?

My quest to purge the word hate from my vocabulary will continue. I will endeavor to persevere, as my husband says, to stop saying I hate the vacuum cleaner or computer viruses or congressional gridlock. Because words have power, I will try to empower only positive feelings.

Hate will become a forbidden four letter word.