Dear Dr. Brothers: I am a working woman in my late 20s. I have a lot of friends, but one whom I met about a year ago has developed into my best friend. When we get together, we like to share intimate details of our lives and give each other advice if asked. And sometimes if not asked! But anyway, my friend is great, except I have found out twice in recent weeks that she has told others things I have asked her to keep a secret. I forgive her, but should I trust her again? -- A.S.

Dear A.S.: I think you can say you trust her all you want, but confiding secrets is something else. Just saying that you forgive her and trust her not to tell a third time is really a roll of the dice. It could be that she is just not the kind who can keep a secret -- and this isn’t to excuse her behavior, but to explain it. Some people simply are not suitable secret-keepers! Has she apologized for leaking the information to others? By what actions has she earned your forgiveness? If you are letting her get away with this -- twice -- without any sign of an apology from her, you are only encouraging her to cross those boundaries again and again. You must let her know that another breach of the friendship could help it end.

If your friend is truly remorseful, you could test her with a small, unimportant confidence before telling her anything too earth-shattering. It is important to be frank with her, though. Let her know that you were very hurt and disappointed to find out that she hadn’t respected the confidences, and that your trust in her has been affected. Then make every attempt to find out if she really is your friend, or just someone who should be a more casual acquaintance. She may not really be best friend material, as much as you would like her to be. Point out how you have kept your lips zipped, and tell her you expect her to do the same now.

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Dear Dr. Brothers: My parents have told me about writing long love letters to one another. In my day, we spent hours on the phone with our friends. My teenagers used to put together enough e-mails in one day to overload everyone’s mailbox. Now, it seems my younger kids are into text-messaging or instant messaging online. Should we oldsters try to learn how to do this to keep up with the trends? Or should we just give up, at this point? Your point of view is appreciated. -- J.C.

Dear J.C.: I think that as long as there are technical experts and people who want to communicate, the dizzying pace at which technology has held us together is not likely to slow very soon. So you might as well try to keep up with the trends so that you aren’t left in the dust and left out of family conversations. No single way to communicate is inherently only for the young or the old. So you can rest assured that while you don’t want to monopolize everyone’s time on their cell phone or computer, a little expertise in the techie trend of the day is a good thing to acquire. Right now, the texting craze is the most important one for you to concentrate on, and talking with your kids about what level of communication is comfortable for everyone is key.

It would be all too easy to completely opt out of the texting craze, but you might do so at your peril. For young teens, a few well-placed text messages asking their whereabouts or telling them you are coming to pick them up may help you keep in touch much better than several nagging phone calls that will embarrass them in front of their friends. They even can help you learn some of the lingo and abbreviations that will take some of the sweat out of composing a message. A family is much more likely to stay in touch if the method is easy, private and quick. So start typing with your thumbs and see how quickly you can become cell-phone-keyboard literate. Then ask your kids to help you send and receive -- they’ll most likely feel super competent, and so will you.